Your Mama’s so old, she uses an iPad

January 27th. At some point during that day, you were probably listening to Steve Jobs announce Apple’s latest panacea.

I have to admit, I was fearful about this new device. Fearful that it would be yet another thing for which I’d serve a financial life sentence in commitment with Apple for hardware and service. Still, I tuned in to the reveal of the iPad. Steve and his minions talked all about what it could and would do, how nothing would be the same again. And then something wonderful happened; I realized I didn’t need it.

shout Your Mama’s so Old, She Uses an iPad I know there will be dissenters, which is healthy. But I have reasons; hear me out. Digital magazines? They’ll look great on this thing. However, I like physical, tangible magazines. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t read a magazine on the iPad, but I would never read them exclusively on the iPad. The device also seems a little cumbersome as a book reader; I’d probably opt for a lighter weight Kindle.

The video/YouTube capabilities on the iPad are no better than my laptop for out of house viewing and nowhere near as good as my Sony Bravia at home. The photo organization looks great, if you’re into that. I’m lazy. I take tons of pictures and don’t catalog anything.

My behavior will only change when a camera comes out that allows me to orally name the photos as I take them and labels them automatically-write that down!

Apps have new possibilities with the Pad’s bigger screen, most specifically games, but I’ve no time for games out of house and at home, the PS3/Bravia combo has no equal in my mind.

So there it was: I had to reconcile the fact that there might actually be a new Apple product for which I have little to no use.

Then it dawned on me: Who the fuck do I think I am? We (in the tech and creative sector) think Apple designs, develops and creates just for us. This is exactly the “world revolves around me” egomaniacal shit that I abhor in others. We might all be guilty of it here.

eye Your Mama’s so Old, She Uses an iPad Guess what? There are people other than us in this world. People who don’t rock an iPhone and MacBookPro in their messenger bags. People who have computing needs to be met and don’t need a fancy laptop, because it’s too delicate, too expensive or too complicated.

Who is this for? I’ve mentioned students in the past. I remember lugging ten books from Lawrinson Dorm to Newhouse at Syracuse University…in the snow. Having all those texts on an iPad would rule. You can take notes with the “Notes” app and transfer them to MS Word via email. Not too bad. Plus music, video, games.

Alas, I think 18 year olds really need full-fledged laptops, so maybe not. Little kids? It’s potentially a computer-learning tool, a first step towards a computer. And think about how amazing an animated pop-up book might be to a little kid on that thing--integrated video…it could be very cool. But it’s a big expense for that short of a life span of usage, especially if the kid quickly grows into an iMac.

How about in the workplace? Remember, the iPad is more like the iPhone than a laptop. By that I mean it’s essentially a shell. Apps will define what it can become. It could have tremendous practical applications in the business world.

Think about how many UPS drivers drive around with those“things.” You don’t think there can be an application like that for an iPad? Are you insane? The screen can become anything. It can access any information in the cloud and can take signatures.

Hello? Time will tell if this application finds legs, but I think the possibilities are endless and if developers are only focusing on entertainment rather than utility, they are hunting for gaming treasure and missing a boat already filled with gold.

ipad 500x281 Your Mama’s so Old, She Uses an iPad

So where does that leave us? In my opinion, it leaves us with the one of the biggest demographics of all. There are over 40 million people in the United States over the age of 65. Forty. Million. Many of them are afraid of computers because they find them too complicated and hard to use.

Have you ever been on the phone trying to talk a parent through a computer problem? It’s like getting kicked in the nuts during a root canal. But these people need to be integrated technologically – they can’t just be ignored.

If only there was some…thing…that made computer tasks simple. A computer product that was truly user-friendly and didn’t do too much. Email and music, perhaps a little video, maybe sort pictures from friends and relatives, surf the net, allow users to read their favorite magazine or book.

Forty million potential customers in the U.S. alone. That’s a big Twinkie. And a big demographic, which I’ve dubbed the “late adopter.”

I’m sure I’ll never know if this was one of the prime directives in the iPad’s development, but I can tell you that I’ve heard from several friends that they plan to buy the iPad for a parent. Because it’s big enough to handle (as opposed to an iPhone), can be used around the house, and running it will be a snap. Do you think 65 year olds care about flash? Multi-tasking? Nope.

The only thing missing is video chat and a front-facing camera so the grandkids can see Nana. But Steve Jobs has to save something for iPad 2.0; he has a responsibility to continually bilk Nana out of her social security.

Adam Wohl (@adamwohl) is the co-founder and Creative Director of MIR, an emerging media execution shop and creative consultancy in New YorkCity.

Photo Credits: NYTimes; korosirego

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