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Vulnerability: The Secret Sauce for Relationships?

by Stuart Foster on July 14, 2009

vulnerability

Transparency is one hell of an aphrodisiac. Although, you have to get used to the over-sharing of every single aspect of your life, random strangers knowing what projects you are working on, and people constantly challenging your views/outlook. Here's the problem (or lack of one depending on how you look at it): I love it.

By sharing myself with the readers of this blog both here and on my Twitter stream, I truly am able to gain a handle and contemplate lots of ideas that I couldn't tackle on my own. The learning that you have helped me with here is incredible and I truly could not have gotten the opportunities, ideas and success that I have garnered without your input. (In other words...thanks guys!)

Why is this sort of vulnerability valuable? It immediately puts people at ease. They are suddenly in a position of power because they know some of your weaknesses. But they are now far more likely to share their own vulnerabilities. Thus establishing a closer bond/relationship (and not giving either an upper hand in the power dynamic).

Relationships are built on vulnerabilities and sharing yourself with another person. How does this relate to marketing/PR though?

Marketing is essentially the practice of exploiting vulnerabilities to sell products. (Wow, we kind of seem like jerks when it is described that way. I promise you we actually aren't.) Marketing/PR and relationships are just as interconnected as sales and relationships (if not more so). In order to break through and truly establish a rapport with a demographic...you need to show your flaws.

Now how does this apply for an actual brand? Be honest. Describe your journey and let others into your dialogue and thought process behind the scenes at your company. Hold yourself accountable for your actions as a company and ask for your community/customer's input. By doing this you will find that most people are more then willing to help revitalize your brand. Very few people actually want to see good people fail. They only want bad companies and non-transparent people to fail. Learn this and enjoy the accolades, successes, and inevitable wins that come with this mind set.

(This post was inspired by watching Keith Ferrazzi speak last night. Good dude, powerful speaker, and genuinely good person from what I could tell.)

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Huh? I use Calibri though...

Oh, Stu.

I love how the default text setting on your blog is bold, and the stuff that presumably would be bold isn't.

What's the font you use for TLJ, anyway?

Nice post Stuart! I was talking to a mate of mine yesterday on how important personal relationships are to building a brand and running a business, and in reality the more one opens up to people and lets others in, the more comfortable they feel with you. It's called Public relations afterall, building relationships with other people. How can one build relationships with others if one fails to let the "others" see them for what they are. Vulnerability fuels more intimate relationships in my opinion.

I'd argue that they need the special sauce even more. Recovering brands need to be deliberately honest and fallible with their customer base in order to restore their credibility. Saying "We messed up" isn't just the right thing to do...it's honest.

Wow. Can you write a blog post based off of this? Would love to read a more long form version of this...

I'm trying and I'm also trying to be even more open about who I am and what I am about. Although...most of it is out there.

As a community we aren't. However, I think we are getting closer to reaching that point. Reality TV for all the damage it has done has been pretty cool in this respect. We can let people in (even complete strangers) and share ourselves with each other.

Defensive posturing is always going to be an issue...you just have to break it down in yourself and kill it off.

Wow, Stu are you turning over a new leaf? Was this post one filled with optimism and positive feedback? I'm impressed.

I also enjoyed the talk last night and hope that Keith is genuine with what he preaches!

I couldn't agree with you more. As an example, when listening to those who are considered 'celebrities' I always look to see if they share their vulnerable side because I want to like them. But the funny thing is if they don't share that side I tend to have a colder outlook on who they are.

Last night validated the fact that we need to be open and transparent about ourselves because it can only help in the long run (or in your marketing world, it really helps our personal brands).

Huh? I use Calibri though...

Oh, Stu.

I love how the default text setting on your blog is bold, and the stuff that presumably would be bold isn't.

What's the font you use for TLJ, anyway?

Huh? I use Calibri though...

Oh, Stu.

I love how the default text setting on your blog is bold, and the stuff that presumably would be bold isn't.

What's the font you use for TLJ, anyway?

Nice post Stuart! I was talking to a mate of mine yesterday on how important personal relationships are to building a brand and running a business, and in reality the more one opens up to people and lets others in, the more comfortable they feel with you. It's called Public relations afterall, building relationships with other people. How can one build relationships with others if one fails to let the "others" see them for what they are. Vulnerability fuels more intimate relationships in my opinion.

I definitely agree that they need to "bring the sauce" even more, I just wonder if consumers are so used to the lack of transparency, that it may take a while for them to be convinced that the companies are being genuinely transparent, as opposed to admitting they messed up because they feel obligated to.

I'd argue that they need the special sauce even more. Recovering brands need to be deliberately honest and fallible with their customer base in order to restore their credibility. Saying "We messed up" isn't just the right thing to do...it's honest.

Wow. Can you write a blog post based off of this? Would love to read a more long form version of this...

I'm trying and I'm also trying to be even more open about who I am and what I am about. Although...most of it is out there.

As a community we aren't. However, I think we are getting closer to reaching that point. Reality TV for all the damage it has done has been pretty cool in this respect. We can let people in (even complete strangers) and share ourselves with each other.

Defensive posturing is always going to be an issue...you just have to break it down in yourself and kill it off.

Wow, Stu are you turning over a new leaf? Was this post one filled with optimism and positive feedback? I'm impressed.

I also enjoyed the talk last night and hope that Keith is genuine with what he preaches!

I couldn't agree with you more. As an example, when listening to those who are considered 'celebrities' I always look to see if they share their vulnerable side because I want to like them. But the funny thing is if they don't share that side I tend to have a colder outlook on who they are.

Last night validated the fact that we need to be open and transparent about ourselves because it can only help in the long run (or in your marketing world, it really helps our personal brands).

Huh? I use Calibri though...

Oh, Stu.

I love how the default text setting on your blog is bold, and the stuff that presumably would be bold isn't.

What's the font you use for TLJ, anyway?

Nice post Stuart! I was talking to a mate of mine yesterday on how important personal relationships are to building a brand and running a business, and in reality the more one opens up to people and lets others in, the more comfortable they feel with you. It's called Public relations afterall, building relationships with other people. How can one build relationships with others if one fails to let the "others" see them for what they are. Vulnerability fuels more intimate relationships in my opinion.

I'd argue that they need the special sauce even more. Recovering brands need to be deliberately honest and fallible with their customer base in order to restore their credibility. Saying "We messed up" isn't just the right thing to do...it's honest.

Wow. Can you write a blog post based off of this? Would love to read a more long form version of this...

I'm trying and I'm also trying to be even more open about who I am and what I am about. Although...most of it is out there.

As a community we aren't. However, I think we are getting closer to reaching that point. Reality TV for all the damage it has done has been pretty cool in this respect. We can let people in (even complete strangers) and share ourselves with each other.

Defensive posturing is always going to be an issue...you just have to break it down in yourself and kill it off.

Wow, Stu are you turning over a new leaf? Was this post one filled with optimism and positive feedback? I'm impressed.

I also enjoyed the talk last night and hope that Keith is genuine with what he preaches!

I couldn't agree with you more. As an example, when listening to those who are considered 'celebrities' I always look to see if they share their vulnerable side because I want to like them. But the funny thing is if they don't share that side I tend to have a colder outlook on who they are.

Last night validated the fact that we need to be open and transparent about ourselves because it can only help in the long run (or in your marketing world, it really helps our personal brands).

Exposing your flaws can be dangerous but concealing them can be even more so. I'm glad you adhere to this tenet Narciso :)

When you look at some of the companies that are in trouble right now, especially financial institutions and autos, I feel that these companies are coming off as some of the least transparent companies (ever) which does very little to put their customers at ease, making it very hard for companies to establish that bond you were talking about with the brand.

The question is, do they still have an opportunity to get the "special sauce?" or are they in too deep?

Keith is a pretty sharp guy, and Never Eat Alone is certainly one of my favorite books on networking.

I think you're spot on here. Think about your best friendships or the way in which you've got significantly closer to a friend and/or more intimate with a lover. You've shared something about yourself, making you more vulnerable in the hopes that they'll reveal something equally as vulnerable to you. I'm not saying anything that you haven't said or isn't already relatively intuitive.

What would be interesting, at least from my vantage point would be the notion that this somehow makes women more successful in the marketing field? Look at the hundreds of thousands of WAHM's and their extremely tight knit networks and communities and then point to even half that many men who enable themselves to be vulnerable and truly connect at a deeper level. Brogan does it. Cheuvront does too. But certainly they're in the minority, no?

And is vulnerability and flaws sometimes phony to seem like people are connecting on that level. They're a lot of people that say so-and-so is smarter than me, I'm just passionate about my readers/consumers/etc. I usually want to say, no clearly, so-and-so is not smarter than you. Look how you're manipulating the system and playing the game right now by making them feel empowered, and you show that you're vulnerable and 'human.' Look, I get it, we all have our schticks, but some of us see phony vulnerability.

I'm done now. I think.

Also, the more you show you are real, that you are human, the less pressure there is on your to do everything right.

Not sure how vulnerable people actually are online though. I feel like many people apple just enough of a filter that they don't need to put themselves out there, emotionally.

Vulnerability is an interesting thing. It can be extremely helpful the way you described it, but it can also be very uncomfortable. People like to feel safe and comfortable...when you're vulnerable, you tend to get defensive.

For the people that are truly comfortable with being completely vulnerable, I commend you. Not sure we're there yet as a community.

YES! People Connect With People...NOT a Profile! The More You Show Yourself (Wrinkles and All), the More People Recognize that There's a Person to Relate to!

GREAT POST, Staurt!