Feeding Our Social Ego

Social media is feeding our narcissism. The fusion of our online and offline identity is no longer divisible. But it’s also molded us into believing it’s ok to be self-important beings.

This was made evident to me last week when I was talking with Stuart Foster. I have the most respect for Stuart, as he is one of my good friends and someone with intense passion and dedication for marketing and what he does. But the other day I wanted to slap him.

Stuart and I have attended several social media events in Boston together. The other night we were out with a group of friends enjoying some dinner and drinks. After the event he turned to me and said “Yea, I knew him before I got big."

I didn’t really think about it until I heard him say the same thing again about someone else.

I turned to him and said “Before you became a big deal? Really, Stuart!?" I had to bring him down a notch to make him realize the absurdity of his comment (by the way, he knows I'm posting this on here).

But Stuart's comment got me started thinking: does having a blog, a Twitter account, and a voice online to discuss our own agenda inflate our egos? These channels may give us reach and influence online, but is the Internet giving us false feelings of importance? I say yes.

I always think back to Maslow's Hierarchy of needs. Self-actualization, or the feeling of belonging and realizing how oneself fits in the world, can be paired with how we use social tools. We want to feel a part of something bigger than ourselves but that our ideas matter. The online world does this for us, but is able to quantify our reach and influence. The effects of being able to quantify personal influence are just been measured, but will surely have a psychological effects yet to be named.

Smart use of these tools can mean a big difference in how we help the world around us. I’ve worked with companies, agencies, and organizations that are using web 2.0 tools to crowdsource ideas and engage citizens for the greater good. But when we use these channels for personal use (like we all do), we get caught in a cycle of shameless self-promotion, even if it's not intentional.

But I guess that's the nature of our social beings.

-Carla

Photo from here.

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tagged as big deal in social, exagerated ego, social ego, social egotism, social media ego

David Spinks

Its an interesting discussion. Honestly, I like it though. I like the idea that these tools, blogs etc can give any average joe the power to build a following. I like the idea that if you have a voice worth hearing, you will be heard. Why do we need money, or fame for people to look up to us?

Sure bloggers within our community aren't a big deal on a large scale, (I don't think I am on a small scale either) but why do we have to look at everything on such a large scale? Does someone (i.e. Chris Brogan) who is "famous" within a community really have anything less to be proud of than a Hollywood actor?

Not saying it's good to be vain, or that anyone in specific is, just that to say someone can't consider themselves a big deal shouldn't have anything to do with the size of their community. It's a matter of scale. Whether or not it's right or wrong is another thing. Humility is important for any human being, popular or not.

@DavidSpinks

Carla Blumenthal

David- you bring in a great point-scalability of the business community. It's all a matter of perspective. But it depends on how people use their "popularity" in whatever profession. Will they be like Paris Hilton or Bono?

Matt Cheuvront

Good stuff Carla - and I second, or third, or whatever the Amens'. The bottom line, we think we're hot shit on the web, so much so that we forget about the real world out there - the one that exists outside the blogs and twitter-feeds. The challenge is being a rockstar both on and off the web....for all you know I could be a 40 year old living in my Mom's basement with some bad-ass marketing and PR skills. Ponder that one.

Carla Blumenthal

haha Matt, if you were a 40 year old sitting in your Mom's basement I would hire you in a second for your genius marketing skills.

Grace Boyle

This is a fantastic post. I believe that blogging is 100% narcissistic. A blog is public and even if you're writing in hopes of one person reading it like your mom or growing a community around you and your writing--you want to be heard and noticed. The 100% narcissism isn't all bad. I believe being confident and sometimes selfish is okay, but inflated ego isn't attractive.

I recently wrote a post on humility and how attractive it is to me (regardless of how "big" you've gotten) humility is important to practice. I like that you have brought this up and sort of popped the bubble of many "social media" rockstars, gurus, etc. feeling like they're big. I will even say that self promotion comes naturally to me, but I really try to keep it in stride. I feel uncomfortable touting my awards, blogs, etc. publicly. So mixing the two seems to be the best option...but you're right, it's human nature. Social media tools exemplify that.

Carla Blumenthal

I think being concerned with oneself is completely natural- but it's when we let our ego get in the way of our work is the issue. Having humility is important, but it's balancing that with confidence that is the key. Social media tools definitely show more of the self-promotion side.

Thanks, Grace for your comment!

Carlos Miceli

Amen.

Besides, what does big even mean? No one I know in my "real" life has ever heard of Stuart, Brogan or Seth Godin. This is just the microfame talking. It's people we've never met talking about us, spreading our message. Is this reach what makes us feel important.

Stuart Foster

Exactly. When Carla mentioned to me that I had said this...I wanted to throw up. So I asked her to write this piece taking me to task over it. I think everyone could learn something from this.

Carla Blumenthal

Carlos- I love the idea of "microfame." I guess a lot of industries do have their "celebrities," but in SM and marketing it is more visible because it is broadcasted online.

Meghan

Spot on, Carla.

While social media gives us the ability to influence, it can be in a very one dimensional manner, and one that is not actually based in "reality." Sure, you have a blog, 8439 followers on Twitter, and you've got more Facebook friends than you know what to do with...but what does that mean? What's the significance? If the internet broke tomorrow, if your blog, Facebook, and Twitter accounts all disappeared, would you still "be big?"

Unfortunately, I think for a lot of people, the answer is "no." While these tool provide an arena to connect, grow, and have influence, I think they also provide an arena for people to hide. It's a lot easier to sit behind a computer screen all day "managing relationships" than actually going out and having real human interactions. 70% of the world doesn't care about your blog, and when you're "big" in the social media realm, I think people tend to forget that.

Of course, it's a balance, but I wouldn't suggest allowing social media to define who you are and determine your "status."

Carla Blumenthal

Meghan- I share very similar thoughts. And I love how you phrased it "if the Internet broke, would you still be big?"

It's about matching your online contacts and forming relationships. Sure you can be behind a computer all day and create a name for yourself, but there's more to business than that. SM shouldn't determine who you are, it just supports it.

Stuart Foster

Fortunately, I do leave the computer a lot. I do have lots of meaningful interactions on an everyday basis.

However, the self worth can become inflated via amplification over the internet. Occasionally, we all think that we are cooler then we are (Me=Case in Point). Thankfully, most of us have people like Carla in our lives to drag us back into reality and hit us. (Which I'm pretty sure Carla did after I said this)

Meghan

Stuart, obviously Carla wouldn't hang out with you if you weren't actually cool in real life ;]

Amy Shropshire

It used to be - "I knew HIM before he was big." Now we measure someone's importance by how many 'friends' someone has. But we do all fall into that trap every once in a while and I guess its OK as long as we have someone like you, Carla to help bring us back down a notch =) Thanks for sharing!

Carla Blumenthal

I don't care how many friends or followers you have, as long as you provide good content and are a reliable person. If I want you to promote my product or idea, influence definitely matters. But what really counts is finding out whether people take a call to action from what you do online.

Ari Herzog

If Stuart is big, then my nose is growing out of my big toe.

Stuart Foster

Haha...was wondering when you were going to come in and say something Ari.

We're both aware of my extremely non-bigness. Hehe.

Stuart Foster

Nailed it.

TryBPO

Great article. I found it via Twitter. I particularly liked your comment about how Social Media quantifies our reach in a new way...I think that's the key point.

Carla Blumenthal

SM research and analytics are in their infancy stages. I think we're going to be seeing a lot more info that's going to measure influence, bias, reach, etc.

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